HackNOPLOT
by Pieisgood
Summary: Kite and the others search for a plot! My second .Hack story. Rating upgraded because of well... VIOLENCE!
1. Pure Random Insanity

Disclaimer: I I do do not not own own .Hack .Hack at at all all. .  
  
Piros: I do!  
  
Disclaimer: (Sues Piros and locks him in the bathroom)  
  
................................ In "The World"  
  
Tsukasa: (Hits button) Log out. Log in. LOGOUT! (Logs out)  
  
Everyone who plays "The World" logs out.  
  
Kite: I gotta use the bathroom! (Opens door) Aaah! It's the it! (Slams door) don't go in there!  
  
Tsukasa: What's a bathroom?  
  
Elk: It's a *BEEP* place where you bathe.  
  
Mia: Elk said *BEEP*!  
  
Elk: Whenever I burp I say *BEEP*.  
  
Kite: Where's BlackRose?  
  
Tsukasa: Where's Beer and Mimiru?  
  
BOOM! The door explodes.  
  
Piros: (is racing Grunty, goblin, and Balmung) Eat my dust!  
  
Balmung: Another one bites the dust!  
  
Kite: I'm gonna use Data Drain!  
  
*Bear (Beer), Mimiru, and BlackRose appear.  
  
Kite: Duhda Drain!  
  
Tsukasa: It's Data Drain! (Gets "Duhda Drained".)  
  
BlackRose: Haha! You got Data Drained!  
  
Elk: Doooooooooddddgggggee baaaaaallllllllll!  
  
Everyone starts throwing dodge balls at each other.  
  
Kite: (Throws bracelet)  
  
Bear: I wanna go to a dungeon!  
  
Mimiru: Hey I got the bracelet! (Data Drains Balmung)  
  
Balmung: (Thows Piros at Mimiru)  
  
Five hours later, Kite and BlackRose are covered in Voit(tm) imprints, Bear wants to go to a dungeon, Balmung is trying to pick up Piros, and Mimiru is crushed under Piros.  
  
Kite: I'm gonna create a plot!  
  
Voice: You can't!  
  
Mimiru: Help! I'm still crushed!  
  
Elk:(Uses Juk Kruz on Piros)  
  
Piros: (Dissapears)  
  
Sora: (Appears) If you don't wanna die, gimme yo membuh address, 'cuz I'm a pimp! (Falls off cliff)  
  
Kite: Ooh! Shiny button!  
  
Subaru: (Walks in) Gimme a hug!  
  
Elk: *BEEP* no!  
  
Subaru: (Hugs Elk)  
  
Kite: AaAaAaAaAaHhHh!  
  
Subaru: Pet the kitty! (Chases Mia)  
  
Elk: Kiss my Aromatic Grass!  
  
Subaru: ("Stupid Drains" Sora)  
  
Sora: Gimme a hug! (Walks towards BlackRose)  
  
Mistral: (Appears)  
  
Sora: (Misses BlackRose and hugs Mistral and dies)  
  
Tsukasa: (Gets "Stupid Drained") Gimme a hug!(Walks toward Balmung)  
  
Mistral: Gimme a hug! (Walks toward Sora)  
  
Subaru: (Hugs Skeith)  
  
Kite: Skeith?  
  
Sora: (Wakes up) AAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhh!  
  
Bear: (Kills Subaru)  
  
All: Yay!  
  
Sora: Gimme a hug NOW!  
  
Skeith: (Hits Sora with wand)  
  
Elk: Hey macaraena! (dances)  
  
Bear: OW! I pulled a muscle!  
  
A trail of dominoes fall and activates a bomb.  
  
Bomb: 3...2...1...BOOM! (Confetti appears)  
  
Sora: Woopoo! (Does the twist)  
  
Piros: Let's get married Sora! (Hugs Sora)  
  
Sora: (Dies)  
  
Mistral: Nooooooooooooooooo!  
  
Skeith: (Dies for no reason)  
  
Tsukasa: I like eggs!  
  
...........................  
  
Skeith: I died because no one likes me!  
  
Me: Review, or get Data Drained! 


	2. The search for a plot

.Hack//NOPLOT Chapter 2  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own .Hack//SIGN,INFECTION,MUTATION,OUTBREAK, or QUARANTINE.  
  
Me: UUhhhh.. I don't own .Hack either.  
  
Rich Guys: We do!  
  
..............................................  
  
Kite: Let's go look for a plot.  
  
BlackRose: We can go to the dome of chocolate!  
  
Kite: Yummy chocolate.  
  
*They go to a huge dome made out of chocolate. A guy with underwear and a bra (GBU) walks up to them.*  
  
GBU: The insanity level in that dome is increasing. Don't go in there!  
  
*Bear(Beer), Mimiru, and Tsukasa go in the dome.*  
  
Tsukasa: Hey look! A weird fuzzy bunny.  
  
Bunny: (Bites Tsukasa)  
  
Tsukasa: Owie my finger! (Sucks on finger)  
  
Mimiru: AAaaaaahhh! A cockroach!  
  
Bear: (Draws sword) I'll get it!  
  
Balmung:(Walks in) My little toe is in the stomach of a doe!  
  
Mimiru: What the he..  
  
Balmung: LLO OPERATOR, GIMME NUMBUH NINE!  
  
Tsukasa: Mi casa, su casa!  
  
Mimiru: Ola, senor Tsukasa!  
  
Balmung: WHAT'S WITH THE SPANISH?!  
  
Mimiru: (Says something in spanish)  
  
Balmung: Pull up your pants?  
  
Bear: She said, qoute, what's with the caps?, unqoute.  
  
*RRRRRINNG! A phone rings*  
  
Tsukasa: (Picks up phone) Ola.  
  
Phone: It's me, 50r@, gimme your member address or die.  
  
Tsukasa: What the...  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
Kite: I'm bored.  
  
Piros: He of fair eyes, I want to marry he who kills players.  
  
BlackRose: That's gross.  
  
Kite: I bet they're dead by now. Let's go in.  
  
*Kite, BlackRose, and................................................................... Piros go in.  
  
Sora: (Is about to kill the other people in the dome)  
  
BlackRose: What the...  
  
Kite: It's Subaru's dead body!  
  
Sora: You're next! (pulls out a pair of fuzzy dice) Mufufufufufufufufufufu!  
  
All but Sora: This looks like a job for...  
  
Tsukasa: Super Tsukasa!  
  
Sora: You look dumb!  
  
Tsukasa: Die Sora!  
  
Sora: (Uses anti-die) I can't die!  
  
Tsukasa: This looks like a job for...  
  
Mimiru: Super Mimiru! (Tries to kill Sora but can't)  
  
Sora: (Hits a random button)  
  
Dome: TOTAL MELTDOWN IN T-MINUS 3... 2... 1... 0 (Chocolate melts covering everyone)  
  
Kite: Hey what's that brown thing?  
  
...............................  
  
Me: What is it? Is it a..(RRRinng!) Sorry times up for now! Review please! And no flames, I'm burning up! 


	3. POOHEAD and a plot hole

.Hack//NOPLOT chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own .Hack//  
  
Kite: Dot Hack what?  
  
Disclaimer: Any of them!  
  
......................................................  
  
Kite: Hey look! I found a door on the floor!  
  
Elk: (Reading sign) Hi! Do not knock or touch this door or you'll die! Bye!  
  
Sora: (Uses anti-die and tries to open door) This f***ing door won't open!  
  
BlackRose: Hey Piros, why don't you try knocking!  
  
Piros: Why sure, she of bloody axe! (Knocks on door, and dies)  
  
*The door opens*  
  
Me: No soliciters! How did you knock?  
  
Mimiru: Piros knocked and died!  
  
Me: But when I opened it, it was unlocked.  
  
Kite: I used data drain.  
  
Me: tolp eloh dna DAEHOOP erutrot eht tsac fo kcaH.! (Flies off)  
  
Sora: (Holds knife to random female players neck) Gimme yo membuh address!  
  
RFP: (Tries to kill Sora, but can't because he used anti-die)  
  
BlackRose: What's anti-die  
  
Mia: Eet kepts u ormf ydieng.  
  
Elk: Not again!  
  
POOHEAD: Poopoopoopoopoopoo!  
  
Mistral: Huh?  
  
POOHEAD: MY NAME IS POOHEAD, AND I'M A PIECE OF SH...  
  
BlackRose: (Kills POOHEAD)  
  
...............................................  
  
We inerrupt this fanfiction to make this announcement...  
  
ME: THANK GOODNESS FOR CAPS LOCK!  
  
And now back to our scheduled programing ................................................  
  
Kite: Good riddance!  
  
Elk: Smoke now. It's bad for your health.  
  
Mimiru: What the he...  
  
*Chh.. chh.. chh.. chhhhhhhh...*  
  
Mia: Elk?  
  
Elk: I am not Elk. I am your farter!  
  
*Chhh.. chh.. ch. chhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.*  
  
Kite: what's up with that noise?  
  
*BLING!*  
  
Aura: I'll serve first!  
  
Skeith: I ain't got all day!  
  
Aura: (Hits tennis ball)  
  
*Chh..chh..chhhhhhhhhhhhh..*  
  
Kite: That noise means Aura's nearby!  
  
Mistral: (singing) I saw your back, from outer space! I just walked in to find that sad look on your face! I saw your back!  
  
$#$%$^: TTR%^RR^Y56  
  
KIte: (Data Drains $#$%$^)  
  
Piros: He of Aromatic grass, will you marry me?  
  
Innis: (Referee) Score!  
  
*Chhh...chhh....chhhhhhhhhhh. A plot hole opens and Kite, BlackRose, Mimiru, Mistral, Mia, Elk, Tsukasa, Balmung, Piros, Aura, Skeith, and Orca are sucked in*  
  
Kite: Where are we?  
  
Balmung: Aaaaahh! A freaky thing!  
  
Freaky thing: Hi!  
  
Kite: It looks like a tornado hit here!  
  
....................................  
  
Where are they? If you haven't guessed yet, here's a hint: After Orca died, this is were Kite woke up in.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!  
  
Flames are welcome. I need more ammunition for my flamethrowers!!!!!! 


End file.
